Friday, September 3, 2010

Top 8

I was realizing the other day that, though I have my suspicions to the contrary, I might in fact be a real adult.  When I hang something on the wall, it has a frame.  I floss each night.  And unlike my adolescent self, I'm usually up by 8:30 on a Saturday, gasp. But, as it turns out, weekends in my neighborhood are full of all sorts of weird things that wake you up.  So here I am, in front of my computer and thinking about THE TOP EIGHT NOT TEN WORST THINGS THAT WAKE YOU UP ON A SATURDAY MORNING:
  1. Housemates Cleaning...right next to your room - A double zinger, you're awake AND cleaning, not to mention sounds like you've got yourself a passive-aggressive roomie
  2. A Neighbors Coffee Grinder - Believe me, when you have a large, open, face-level window looking out on a sort of alleyway between houses in which your neighbor has a door opening to their kitchen, which is inexplicably ajar every morning...you wake up to the coffee grinder.
  3. Loud Inbred Dog - in my case Greg's age-addled mongrel who can't even bark right anymore, instead it coughs out a sort of weird and disturbing moan.
  4. Leaf Blowers, closely followed by lawn mowers - no explanation needed.
  5. Garbage Trucks - It sounds like gojira.  I hate it.
  6. The Neighborhood wild animals - You may think, hey don't you live in Greater Los Angeles? Yes, yes I do, but that doesn't mean there aren't wild peacocks, coyotes, and a number of nocturnal rodents, at the least.  And peacocks are LOUD, not afraid of people, and will probably damage your shingles.
  7. A Rooster - possibly addicted to crack, it's a total nuisance. My property has a rooster on it.
  8. Your Neighbors Crazy Horse - seriously we've got one, at night it makes these scary neighing noises and hooves the walls of its horse-cage.  I conclude he has PTSD and or night terrors.

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